Let me ask you, how you all have been in the past two weeks since you last read my post. It's been hectic and full of Lagos hustle and bustle for me. Did i hear someone say, please i can't wait to read the post. Ok here we go.
For my international readers, the title-WHAT IS IN THIS
MARRIAGE THING SEF isn't quite in a complete English grammar (it's a
bit of what Nigerians call Pidgin English or Brokin, or what I term 'broken
down English'-meaning that it has been mixed.
Well, not far-fetched from what marriage is.
It's a mixture of two different people (for the purpose of my writing, I shall
consider it in the context of man & woman). Now, if I also were to
interpret the word 'SEF' into grand English language, it
connotes a sort of cynicism.
So to the topic of today's post, what I am
really asking my readers and the public out there 'Is there really awesomeness
to this whole idea of marriage'?
Isn't it true that girls and boys in their
growing up years commonly played house, the girls in the make belief world of
being mums and the boys naturally acted the manly dads. As such we kind of all
grew up believing that the major destination of man/woman in this world is to
end in 'marriage!
I had mused on this topic for so long that
I couldn't but bring my readers into my thoughts by writing this out. I'd
looked at the typical human lifestyle. We get thrown into this world (we're
born as new babies, we go to school, acquire many degrees if we want or don't
even go if we are averse to schooling, get a job, for the man seeks out a wife
to marry and if you're the woman, you desire earnestly to be found by him. Come
to think of it, is there a dearth of real men now..
The process thus continue, have children, enrol
them into the best schools, watch them grow to become professionals or business
owners/entrepreneurs, plan that big wedding and take care of the grand kids.
Please, someone talk to me, isn’t that a bit boring? You mean that is all there
is? Is marriage a destination or land of promise with pecks and largesse or
we've just been 'conditioned' to think that is what it is.
Are there platforms we access or rather is
marriage a platform for greater achievement, peace of mind, money or even fame?
Are those husbands or wifey attached with extra benefits or enablers to make
you become whom you've always wanted to be. I suspect they must be, if not why
the pressure and desperation by singles or the pressure allowed by society to
make one have the latest degree of a 'Mr or Mrs'.
At this point, I bet you have your
conclusions as to my views on marriage, haha not so fast, a little patience (a
great virtue they say) to read till end of post. I can tell you loads of
stories of woes and broken dreams encountered in marriage but I will just tell
you two. (So to all you itchy ears; be content with just these two).
I recall the story of my ex colleague who
recently told me of how his wifey of many years became pregnant for his
neighbour while he was in faraway land, working hard, yes very hard for the
sustenance of wife and family. If you think only men do this kind of things,
it's time to review thoughts. Or do I narrate the woes of my young pretty
friend whom on her first night of marriage, hubby failed to 'cooperate and
remained on his side of the bed for several months and the few years till she
packed her baggage and left the marriage. Bizarre, strange, yes but true!
I also have two beautiful, super rich
friends; I mean multimillionaires. One unmarried, gave up on marriage a long
time ago but with a partner and the other who is married; both of them having
the time of their lives. So tell me ''what is in this marriage thing sef''.
Remember, had mentioned earlier that the
cycle of being born, schooling, landing into marriage could be quite a bore. So
what am I canvassing for? It is that we are made for so much more; we are
passionate beings, created with great interests and dreams and which must be
expressed because that is where we find true fulfillment. We are made for great
impact in this world, to express the love of the Father as He intended. So
whether single or married make a change, enjoy yourself, birth your passions
(please do not waste time to do so too).
To make you laugh, here I was, the
supposed big auntie just out with her first blog, speaking with my under 10yrs
old niece on the phone. Please allow me to play it out.
Me: Hello dear, did your mum tell you
about my new blog and have you read it?
Big mouth niece: You have a blog! You have
a blog? Oh no you're copying auntie Moji (real name withheld). She then turned to her mum,she's copying Auntie Moji. By this time she had almost dropped the phone on me whether in shock or surprise, I do not not know.
Well, auntie Moji happens to be another
aunt who started her blog some months before mine.
Chai, there is God, that began my long humble explanation to my
lovely niece of how I didn't copy anyone but I'd always wanted to blog well
before now. Talk about starting your passions on time!
I believe that marriage is a beautiful
thing and that we were made for companionship and just as my Zillionaire
daddy states that ''it is not good for man to be alone'' and no one wants to
end up a lonely old man or woman-there goes my views.
So until marriage finds you or you find
marriage, don't stop enjoying your happiness or interests and passions. Only do
not let your whatever status you find yourself define your identity. Welcome to
the human experience but never again use another person's body or emotions as a
scratching post for your own unfilled yearnings-Elizabeth Gibert.
Do I have tips for a good marriage, I can
try and I have outlined them below
G Factor - God factor
True Identity - know thyself, discover thy purpose and
eliminate undue expectations from yourself or your partner.
Patience -
a virtue I'd earlier talked about briefly. Suru le se okuta jinna (Direct
translation will mean 'Patience can cook a stone into a meal’. Really? well
it's an adage in the Yoruba (one of the main Nigerian tribes) culture.
To my readers out there, let's have your
views, stories, comments and possibly learn from your experiences on 'What is
in this marriage thing sef'!
The next title - That's kept a secret.
The blog is truly going global; our page view
is growing in leaps from America, Canada, Indonesia, and Germany and of course
so many from my peeps in Naija.
So please share on Facebook, like our
page, subscribe via emails.
Bye, Ciao for now.
Be good.
